The Lottery Winning Number...
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.
"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked.
He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."
Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God. Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held.
And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.... ...
The Horse, The Bike and the little girl
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the a**hole goes underneath the horse, not on top." ...
Funny Anagrams
George Bush -- rearrange the letters -- He bugs Gore.
Dormitory -- rearrange the letters -- Dirty Room.
Evangelist -- rearrange the letters -- Evil's Agent.
Desperation -- rearrange the letters -- A Rope Ends It.
The Morse Code -- rearrange the letters -- Here Come Dots.
Slot Machines -- rearrange the letters -- Cash Lost In 'Em.
Animosity -- rearrange the letters -- Is No Amity.
Mother-in-law -- rearrange the letters -- Woman Hitler.
Snooze Alarms -- rearrange the letters -- Alas! No More Z's.
A Decimal Point -- rearrange the letters -- I'm A Dot In Place
Eleven plus two -- rearrange the letters -- Twelve plus one.
And for the grand finale:
President Clinton of the USA -- can be arranged into -- To Copulate he finds interns ...
Three Empty Beer Cans ...
Bill and Hillary were married for 40 years. When they first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the
temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointead and saddened but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in." ...
Jokes
